"You look like a convict" – and how to give other helpful feedback
- Alice Sheldon
- 18 hours ago
- 1 min read
"You look like a convict.” That’s what a very lovely friend told me this week – after watching one of my videos.
Sadly, they weren’t wrong. I love engaging on video, but the lighting, sound and production do my head in – and it shows!
But here’s the thing: this piece of feedback didn’t sting.
On the contrary, I felt grateful – it confirmed what I was already thinking.
It came with warmth, laughter and care. I knew my friend was with me, not against me. And so the words didn’t matter.
There have been other times I’ve received feedback in much more careful, neutral language – and I’ve struggled to hear it.
Because the words were fine...
But the intention felt like judgement. Or disappointment. Or shame.
When it comes to feedback, it’s always less about what you say, and more about where you’re speaking from.
Feedback lands so differently when it comes from:
✔️ Care, not criticism
✔️ Partnership, not power
✔️ A wish to support, not to score points
People don’t need perfect wording.
They need to feel safe.
💬 “I want you to succeed in a way that works for you.”
💬 “Is now a good time to hear something that might be difficult?”
💬 “My intention in raising this is to be supportive of us all – and I’d love to hear if it lands differently.”
That’s what creates space for feedback to land –and for the relationship to grow stronger.