Are you an adviser or a validator? Be the best of both

Are you a natural problem solver, or a validator? A colleague tells you ‘I’m so frustrated with this process!’ Will you make suggestions of what to do, or focus on how they feel?

Both advising and validating can be extremely helpful for good conversations and better solutions. But they tend to come at different stages of supporting someone.

💭 Introduction: When someone shares a problem, are you more likely to offer a way forward, or to validate their feelings? Both can be really helpful, and knowing when to use each of them can make all the difference to successful, connecting conversations.

💭 Main Tip: Validation involves acknowledging the other person’s experience, whilst problem-solving focuses on the actions they might want to take. It usually helps to start with validation to build trust and understanding, and then explore solutions if and when they’re ready.

💭 Example: For example, if a colleague says, “I’m so frustrated with this process,” instead of immediately offering your perspective or advice, you could respond, “That sounds really tough. I can see why it’s so frustrating.” Once they feel heard, that’s the time to ask, “Would it help to brainstorm some ideas to make it easier?”

💭 Over to you: This week, if you are a problem solver by nature, try validating someone’s feelings before offering solutions. Start with phrases like, “That sounds difficult,” or, “I can see why you’d feel that way.” If you are a validator, then take time to notice the point at which you move from validation to solutions in your conversation. It’s easy to wait longer than is welcome to the other person.

💭 Closing: Let me know how this tip works for you!